Speak My Name

I came to you on a Thursday
Born, just as he died
I filled your whole existence
And I held you as your cried

I drove with you back home again
As all the walls came down
I hid with you, I told them
That you were not to be found

I started to feel comfortable
I knew that I should stay
I knew that I was needed
Keeping all the world away

We sunk into oblivion
We floated, not quite here
You spoke to him through me
And in that way, we kept him near

But some time, much to soon
You started to withdraw
You waded through the blankets
And you headed for the door

If I thought you ready
I wouldn’t mind you leaving
I would have waved you willingly
But you weren’t done with grieving

It was those other people
The culture and the crowd
Who asked you to rush back to them
Who said you weren’t allowed

Who said that I was too much
There must be something wrong
It was not right to dwell with me
In darkness for too long

And you had never sen another
Cared for in this way
Had never heard one cry for me
Or even speak my name

Not like the days before now
Where I was witnessed, I was harnessed, I was held
When all the ones who loved you
Would have time with me as well

And so you put your mask on
And went out there to smile
And I went down your gullet
Til my form had sunk in bile

It hurt me that you left me
That you chose to shut your eyes
Remember that you made me
So I cannot be a lie

I waited for you patiently
For I know you turned in fear
I called out to you softly
You did not want to hear

But when you left this world for sleep
I heard you say my name
You wanted me but could not speak it
In the light of day

You needed me to take control
To start the change within
And so I crept into your bed
And seeped into your skin

I reached into your heart
I spread my darkness through your veins
I did this to remind you
That you need to feel this pain

And more than that
You want to be there with him out beyond
I help to keep you close to him
To hold you in that bond

And now I linger in your limbs
Your body hung like lead
That’s the way it should feel
In the land of the dead

I know that this is painful
You want to scream and curse
You think I have betrayed you
I think what you did was worse

I only do this out of love
I know it’s for the best
It’s been so hard to watch you run
Slow down my dear, please rest

And when you have decided
If you want to live or die
I’ll help you to cross over
Only then I’ll leave your side

I am not what you wanted
But I hope one day you’ll see
That learning how to love me
Is the way you’ll set me free